Milestones....

Gullu,

Wish you were around today, missed you loads. Just brings back a lot of thoughts and memories and the longing for a happy and commonplace conversation over a cup of coffee about the mundanes, the not so mundanes, life and its plans and just quietly smile and ponder over the comfort of a close friendship.

Some days just hit me so hard, remind me how it can never be the same again, even with every damn thing around me.

Wish you were here.

Love,
Me.

UWL Memorial Trophy

In IIFT, Delhi we have a sports and marketing event called United Warriors League. It is based on a model similar to that of IPL where there are team owners, brand managers and they bid for players. It is a two-week long event of madness and noise and as most people say, enjoyment.

This year UWL 2.0 was held on campus. The organizing committee consisted of some of Gullu's close friends such as Abhishek Kant Ghising, Shivam, Hari Singh, Satvinder, etc. All the friends came together and decided to have the UWL Champion's roving trophy in memory of Abhishek Agarwal.


The closing ceremony was held on 10 November 2009. Originally we planned to have the ceremony on Gullu's birthday on 9 November 2009 but there were some logistical issues at the last moment. It was good to have uncle and aunty around. It is not often that I am able to drag them out of their house and come to someplace to meet people. Mission Accomplished.

P.S. - Pictures to follow soon.

Is this real?

Is this for real? Is this really happening? I can't believe you are not here. Your thoughts, your actions, your words - all are real in my memory. Do you remember how we would talk to each other about our extended friend circles? Nowadays I talk about you like that. As though you are a dear friend located in a far off place and every time I think of you, I talk of you to whosoever is around me. And then I have this thought in my mind... wonder when I will see you again.

Am I really not seeing you again? I don't know how that can be! I blink and see you right here. Where did you disappear just like that? No, I am not in denial. It just seems so unreal, fictitious, intangible. And yet I have been living with this supposed reality for over four months. Wonder how I did. I can no longer remember.

Well exams are back again and I just keep drifting back to 3rd term exams. I remember that day we were preparing for International Finance and you just lied down in the CC, listening to Sassy explain some futures or something. I couldn't follow it but you did and I got annoyed with you for that. :) You know I wasn't annoyed with you. I was annoyed with the fact that I just couldn't get it!

Anyhow. I don't know what else to say except that I miss you.

From Aswathi

He was the big brother on campus - Gullu. He was always keeping a wary eye out for me - whether when I'm crossing roads or handling my phone carelessly, he would always chide me and make me see sense. If we walked by the roadside, he would push me away from the road grumpily, telling me to take care. When I'd mischievously stray to the roadside to provoke him, he'd say as long as he's with me, nothing's gonna happen and make him answerable to my family - and he'd pull me back again. Once, he'd said - "I have no right to restrain you but You haven't seen what I have seen of this world, how bad it can be - so listen to me and take care..."

I remember him and miss him too. But I believe he's in a happier place than where we are - watching over us.

Happy Friendship Day

Happy Friendship Day Gullu.

You know we have a MOS exam in the morning. I am again in acad block, trying to study, with not much success. Strange life.

Miss you lots.

miss u a lot yar

Hi Gullu,
Yar it’s been three months since I have open my heart at fully to anyone at IIFT. I just miss you like anything bhai. Gullu yar tera intezar rehta hai har time. Yar tere bina bahut khali lagta hai bhai, tu to janta hi hai yar tu hi tha ek jisse main har bat kehta tha. but yar tere jane se ek aisa void create ho gaya hai jo nahi bharat hai yar. kabhi kabhi yar mujhe bahut kuch kehna hota hai par ab batein dil ke hih andar reh jati hai. Tere se baatein karke yar jo sukun milta tha wo aaj nahi milta hai. Kafi time aisa aaya yar ki bahut kuch kehne ka man kiya par yar koi nahi tha jisse main kuch keh kar apna dil halka kar saku. Yar I just miss u a lot. Parties aaj bhi hoti hai yar par ek ki kami hamesha hi rehti hai….. aaj jab “chingari chingari bheegi dekho bheegi dekho “ gane ka man karta hai to Sali aawaj hi nahi nikalti hai. Sab dil me hi reh jata hai yar.
Yar aunty ko call karne ka man karta hai bahut jyada but himmat hi nahi hoti hai meri. Bahut bar chaha hai call karna but shayad mere andar abhi aneesha jaisi himmat nahi hai.
Love u a lot yar…..
Pandu….

After a month at IIFT

Abhishek,

It's been more than a month since I rejoined college. More than a month that I've been here since you haven't been. It was a too-darn-tough month too. Initially I would subconsciously look for you everywhere, wonder why you weren't around. Then I tried to talk to a lot of people to avoid facing the emptiness I was feeling. I lost interest in classes, feeling how futile everything was, why we indulged in all these mundanes of life knowing of our ultimate end.

Somewhere in the middle, I felt my usual claustrophobia, you know what I mean, and found the courage to just go out and watch a movie on my own. Not that I haven't done it before but this time I had different demons to conquer.

I guess I am getting used to it now. I wouldn't say that I am going back to where I was before I met you but I seem to be going to a new place which is similar and yet very different. So you'd be glad to know that you succeeded in changing my attitude in many ways. I guess this is life and each of us has to face it and live it. How to find the strength to go on? Well I guess we just have to look within.

Oh by the way, it's been long since I saw your Mom. I miss her and a phone call doesn't quite cut it anymore. So make it happen.

You know we miss you here. Sometimes it is a flash, sometimes it is a story and sometimes it is just like a background process. To each their own.

Peace and love,
Me.

Memorial Service

Yesterday, there was a memorial service for Gullu in college. Nearly half of the batch was there. A few of his friends said a few things about him, we showed his pictures and finally lit candles and prayed that he may find peace. His parents were also present with us. May God give them the strength to live through the biggest pain.

Here is what I said, it was almost as though I had much to say but it just could not be put into words.

"Though words cannot describe how I feel, I would still make an attempt.

When we first joined IIFT, there was a seemingly loud and obnoxious guy in my class. I instantly disliked him and I knew that he reciprocated my feelings. However, first impressions don't always last.

Later through the year, the same guy became my closest friend. He would always say to me that he'd never thought he'd speak to me, let alone become such good friends with me. I would smile and agree.

Every single day without him is a quest to, somehow, find strength to get on with life, for I know that he would be annoyed with me if I didn't. And yet, when I try to do all of that, I realise that life will never be the same again. I find myself going to places he liked going to, doing things he liked doing, as though I hope to bump into him. Then I am reminded of how I cannot bump into him because I am carrying him with me.

I look back and remember the state of bliss and the absolute happiness that came with his friendship. And that is how we all must remember him; for the cheer and happiness he brought to our lives.

Uncle, aunty, I know that your loss is insurmountable and irrepairable but I hope that in time you can find the strength and peace he would have wanted you to have. He could never bear to see you in pain and, trust me, that is still the case.

I would now request all of you to join me in praying for his soul by observing silence for two minutes. Thank you."

Bablu

Bablu is the ordinary guy who, along with his brothers, runs a dhaba outside the North gate of our college. Bablu has good PR skills and tries to get students to avail the services of his dhaba instead of the one adjacent to it. Gullu, like a lot of other guys, had an ongoing account with Bablu. Initially I thought that it was to take advantage of the credit service Bablu offers. Moreover, most of time we just walk out of class during a break and forget to carry money; this is when Gullu's account came in handy. One day we had a relatively large bill so I told Gullu that I'd pay instead of writing in the account. That is when I got to know that he actually had a prepaid account! He had deposited some money, around 400 bucks from what I remember, with Bablu so that he can eat there without guilt. I was amazed.

Bablu also went out of his way to help Gullu. Gullu used to fast on Tuesdays. He would eat once a day and his food was required to have no salt in it. He would request Bablu to make special salt-free aloo paranthas for Gullu and Bablu would do that! Another time we ordered food from another dhaba outside IIFT and ate at Bablu's dhaba since we had a test and had no energy to walk. Bablu readily gave us cutlery and let us sit inside his shack and eat, since no chairs were allowed outside due to some police issues.

Gullu kept one notebook for the entire term in the last trimester. That notebook got lost and finally Gullu found it with Bablu! We were highly amused, teased him how that had become way too much of a hang out place for him.

Yesterday, I got to know that the account that Gullu used to run at Bablu's dhaba has 100 rupees extra credit. I suppose it is meant to be like that, Gullu wanted it to be so.

Gullu, I am missing you a lot here, seems like "life" is missing.

MISS YOU

Hi dear,

It's a little more than one month since you left... and to me its still so unbelievable.
I can't write anything about you... I don't have any such long sweet memories that others have shared, either being your classmate or your companion in parties and stuff. I did not meet you, did not party with you, never saw you snoring away merrily in class or bunking classes merrily... so what do I write... Just...
I MISS YOU and to do that I never had to meet you...

From Devashree

Abhi.. I find myself struggling with words when I am writing this post. I don't have anything much to say now still would try to make it in some lines thinking that you might read it.

"This pic in red was your favourite and clicked by me, making me remember you even more every time I come across this pic. I believe that you know me well. You will always remain in heart and memories will never fade. You are missed from the core of the heart."

Dear friends, I think few lines won't be sufficient, let's come together and remember Abhishek with a smile.

God bless your soul Abhi.

-Shree.

Dear Gullu...

I was shocked to hear about your death. It was a bad week for me, that.
But generally, I think I have learnt to survive.

Been living and travelling on my own since I was 18 and well its been 8 years now.
Along the way, I have learnt to balance & compensate, roll with the punches and go with the flow... and barring a few people, my parents and cricket for example, I am a find-replacement kind of person.

It's an approach that has resulted in my making most of what comes my way; with no permanent strings attached. We were not very close friends, except perhaps for the last 2 months.

I wish I could tell you that I think about you from time to time. I think all of us realise that you stood for things beyond MBA level competition.

In you I could recognise a fellow journeyman. While you were showing symptoms of slowing down, I was still game for more. :)

I must confess though, that you had been a round a lot more than I have, but there is no way to compare now is it ??

So here I am, on a fucked up saturday... waiting since 9 for a project review, for an internship about which you gave me very strict instructions, and feeling pretty empty about what is essentially sound work...

Now I realise. Maybe it's freedom I so desire. I must admit that nowadays, on reflex, I sometimes think of how you would have done something. Met someone. Had a good time. Generally.

It makes me do something, like writing this blog, that I generally don't do in my everyday life. Reveal myself.

You are dead. But you know.. maybe it's teaching us something you tried everyday of your life to convey and generally failed.

Learning comes at a price, doesn't it ?

Hmm.. why the f*** did I write so much crap ? ;) (Sorry Annie. Ghising. :D)

BRM Class...

I think the best times Gullu and I had together were in BRM classes. We used to catch the last three seats rights next to the AC. Our other constant companions were Shivam and Ghising. And we would sleep while everyone else was feverishly taking down the wise sermons of Chawla. We almost got caught once thanks to Bhutti snoring. Everytime Chawla would look our way, Gullu would wake me up and then say " chal, ab aaram kar le, bahut sun liya". Miss him..

- Sowmya V.

Why?

Sent by a dear friend of his.

Why?

That's what we ask. The truth is, we may never be able to know for sure why.
But we do know that there is no single "should have done" or "could have done" or "did" or "didn't do" that would have changed that why.
All that love could do was done.

Gullu, I hope it was really done. If not, I hope you will forgive us. Peace.

His Aversion to Classes!

Gullu hated attending classes. Usually, he would be found napping, reading a newspaper or a magazine in the back bench corner of the class. Sometimes, we had teachers who didn't take attendance before or after the break. He would always sneak out of such classes, always! I would berate him about it and had been trying to brain wash him to pay more attention in classes next term onwards. Of course, I didn't really think he'd listen to me but then who knew.

In the last term, we had an IE class one morning. Gullu had just come from home (Meerut) and landed in the class with his luggage, just to get attendance. His was the first roll number to be called out. He hollered present and slowly sneaked out of the class. A couple of other students followed him and one of them fell. The teacher heard the fall and figured out that people have sneaked out. She started the attendance again!

Unfortunately I had forgotten my cell phone in the hostel that morning and could not call him or sms him. Fortunately, some other friends did. Soon, he was back in the class explaining how he had just gone to keep his luggage to the room. The teacher gave a lecture on how we must not attend classes by the force of the attendance rule, how she will give attendance to everyone (though she never really did).

Although I was a little irked with Gullu for his constant bunking, I know I had heaved a sigh of relief when he finally got attendance. I think I worried more about his 90% than he ever did! :)

Going to miss you in class buddy. I am going to miss the one minute when attendance would start and I would hold my breath, worried that you either hadn't turned up or you'd fallen asleep and you'd not answer your attendance. But you'd always answer, unless you'd overslept. And I would find myself breathing again. Sigh.

Remembrance

Dear Abhishek,

I wish that you somehow know that how much we are missing you.
This world had lost a loving and caring and so full of life person, the kind of people we need more and more in this world.
May you rest in peace brother.
I know for myself that I have lost a jewel.. so precious that it cant be valued.. ever..
We will miss you all our lives Abhi...

Love and Peace,
Gaurav, Shalini and yours sweet Sabby

More remembrances

I will miss u all my life brother
Rest in peace.
- Ankit Malhotra

I will always miss you .
TMI will always remember you as a person full of life and joy.
May god bless your soul, rest in peace.
- Sandeep Aggarwal

May your soul rest in peace.
- Vaibhav Nesargi

Will miss you man.... Rest in peace...
- Saiprakash Rajendran

Gullu, I cannot imagine a person like you full of life and zest is no more. I cannot explain how much I am going to miss you.
- Giridhar Gatte

Hey Brother...maybe I'll never get the reply for this post...but we'll all miss u so......its really hard for us to explain it...but u take care..
- James Daimari

Abhishek, I'm going to miss you so much. You taught me so much for one so young. I will always remember what you told me, and i will still visit when i get there.
- Jayne Nixon

I would so want this post to to be answered. still want ur voice to fill the room, still want to hear ur silly jokes and still gang up with u and pull other's legs.but....I know heaven is waiting for you, but even down here u will always be missed. We will meet again someday brother..I m sure of that.
- Abhishek Kant Ghising

Will miss u all always!!
- Divya Kodati

Will miss u forever..........
- Amandeep Malhari

Will miss you Gullu... Cant believe you are not here with us.. Want you 2 come back.. Only if life can be 'rewind'ed..
- Sagar Parekh

Will miss you buddy
- Ritu Raj

Gullu,
I have been trying to find words to say how I feel since yesterday, but simply cannot. Its still hard to believe that I wont get to see you again. The TV room seems incomplete, the parties would always be less fun and the birthday bumps just would not feel the same.
You were an awesome friend who believed in sharing and believed in living life king size.
May your soul rest in peace.
- Akhil

Its been hard to fathom the fact that Abhishek won't be amongst us.
He was a guy full of energy, enthusiasm and definitely believed in living life king size.
Will miss you Gullu....
- Abhishek Bhandari

I came to know about the tragedy just now. It's unbelievably shocking for me. It's like as long as we have people around we do not understand their importance in our lives. We do not realize that as much as they were destined to be a part of our journey we can never know for how long God has planned it to be this way. And probably this is why we don't cherish each other's presence while its still readily available.
I read each and every condolence message sent before this...may be I was trying to catch up with Gullu through them.
Rest in peace Abhishek....You have left a void so big that can't be expressed in words.
- Avijit Vikram

I am still in a daze and have probably not fully understood what has happened.
This is my small way of remembering Abhishek Agarwal, who I am sure touched all of our lives in some way or the other. Personally he was a great friend and I have many wonderful memories of our time spent together. My only complaint is that this time was too short.
My heart goes out to his family. May God give them the strength to deal with this.
- Ankit Bhutani

How will you remember him?

Gullu had asked me 2-3 times about how I would remember him. He would say, "Aneesha, when we pass out of college and someone asks you about me, what would you say or what would be the first thing that you think about me?". I'd try not to think about it. I did not want to consider the possibility that we may drift apart or not be in touch after college. So I never dwelled on his question and would just say, "Why will I remember you? Will you stop talking to me or being friends with me that I would have to "remember" you? I don't know. I don't know what I will think or say, will cross the bridge when I come to it." He'd try to get me to say something a couple of times, but soon he would let it go.

I hope he didn't mind terribly that I never answered his question properly. In my mind, we remember people we don't have. I never wanted to consider that possibility and did not even think it would happen.

Well Gullu, I hope you are reading there somewhere, I remember you as a very dear friend and a vivacious person. I always wondered how we became such close friends so quickly. I guess it was all your doing and it was meant to be this way. Perhaps I was supposed to learn something from you, there are so many things though, I wonder if I will be able to do justice to everything.

Miss you always dear. May you find peace.

Manchester United!

Abhishek was an ardent "ManU" fan. From what I know, he started following football and siding with ManU in the early years of his engineering. It was a big thing in college and he also got exposed to it.

It was one of his passions, he could talk about it to no end. Every football match with ManU in it was naturally accompanied with a lot of noise and exclamations. Occasionally this would happen in the mess in the Old Hostel, so much so that I could hear the noise in my room on the first floor. It would annoy me a little, especially if it were around a test or exam. Of course, when it came to ManU, he didn't care for anything else. He'd watch each and every match, no matter what weather or what time or what day. After a long day of classes, I'd be totally drained and he would still go and watch the match. Amazing stamina, I would say to him.

On the night before the fateful Sunday, he went to watch a ManU match. ManU was trailing 0-2 before half time but ultimately won 5-2. He was ecstatic! He was also telling me that his football mania seems to be spreading, that Anshul follows scores and sometimes mentions about a match. It made him happier that he could get his friend involved in something he so obviously enjoyed so much. Suddenly he paused and said that his throat hurts, I asked why, what did you eat? He said that he didn't eat anything, he just screamed too loudly in the match and his throat is now sore... !!!

On Wednesday, ManU defeated Arsenal 1-0. I suppose there is another match ManU vs Arsenal this week. Let's see how it fares.

I am sure that he is cheering on in his loudest voice from wherever he is. I cheer on from here... Go Gullu!

P.S. - Pardon me if I got any facts wrong. I don't follow football or ManU.

FOOTPRINTS...

Dearest Abhi,
Remembering you this way was never my wish, it was your destiny and God's will...
I have many things to tell you but don't know how.So hope we will meet again someday in some part of this world .Your friendship touched my life so deeply that now it seems I have lost a part of my existence, my whole being.But your spirit that was your very essence hopefully will give me the strength to see the world in a new way.You never made me cry but just don't know whether today you can see how much pain has mounted on me still in the hope to get a sweet comfort from you...
Do stay happy wherever you are coz you deserve the best.
Missing you very badly dear.

In Remembrance

There are some people who leave such a huge impact in such a short time, it makes us wonder how our life was without them and we cannot even think of our lives without them. For me, Gullu was one such person. Always so imposing and forceful, he could break through the toughest of shells and still make his way in people's hearts. Always smiling, an amazing friend, he'd know how you feel even without being told. For him, friendship was one of the most important things in life and he would go out of his way, even change his path to make way for a friend.

I don't know how to get over the pain of his loss. I can't conceive of life without him this day forward. It just feels like he will just call me, come knocking to my room, crack his obnoxious jokes and make me laugh, all over again.

Gullu, may you rest in peace. You are terribly missed.